Eulogy
For my lifetime friend Redmond:
I have woken
from a restless night and as I look through my bedroom window at a grey and
damp morning, it brings me reminders of many such awakenings in Northern
England seemingly a lifetime ago. Today, however there is a strange stillness,
like the life has been sucked out of the once green trees and colorful flowers.
Yesterday, a
bright shining light was extinguished; like a flickering lighthouse on a
distant tumultuous shore -- we are all now at risk of floundering.
We will all
have wonderful and funny stories to tell of our relationship with, ‘Red’ which
needs to be shared to keep his memory alive. If I may, I would like to share
some of mine, which by my recollection goes back over forty years. I had been
flown out to South Africa to join the Royal Navy ship HMS Lincoln; also known
throughout the fleet as the ‘drinkin stinkin Lincoln’. Having only been married
a matter of days, I had gone ashore to drown my sorrows. I was pretty much
oblivious to much of the evening thereafter. Little did I know that one of the most
amazing coincidences of my life was about to occur: Redmond loves to tell this
story, much to my embarrassment which has probably been embellished over the many
years. He came out of the night club and while waving down a cab, he stepped on
something soft and squishy within the curb which apparently grunted. It was
indeed a matelot (sailor) of the English navy judging by the now badly stained
uniform. There were only two British navy vessels in harbor and as he did not recognize
me, concluded that I was from the, ‘other ship.’ Taking pity on this wretched burbling
sailor he threw me in the cab alongside himself, of which we then had an
animated but undecipherable argument when he tried to unceremoniously unload me
at the gangway to the other ship. By some miracle, I eventually found my way to
the correct ship. The following day I purchased about a gallon of orange juice
from his store as he was the only civilian onboard, manning the NAFFI shop. We
had a good laugh and immediately commenced our lifelong friendship. We both not
only came from the same part of Lancashire, England but sang and played musical
instruments. We had both been brought up by loving mothers and drunken dads
which seems to be the norm in Northern England and had joined up mainly to
escape our dysfunctional family
life.
The Navy, at
the time was like a prison sentence for me. Redmond not only made it bearable; we
have both made many wonderful memories of performing together in various parts
of the world. I don’t know how I could have gotten through the remaining time I
had to serve, without his friendship and humanity. Even after the navy he would
seemingly pop into my life at various times, much to my X wife’s chagrin and
add his colour to my sometimes very grey days. I honestly believe that he has
helped to shape the person I am today.
In civilian
life, Red wanted us to take our act on the road and be travelling musicians, I
often wonder where my life would have led had I taken a different turn in the road.
I had responsibilities with a wife and two children to think about. When he eventually
left the UK, back in those dark dismal days with his guitar and banjo and a few
personal belongings in an old hold-all bag, it literally broke my heart. Through
the many tears as I drove home that night, I never thought I could love another
man, like I loved Red, it was almost like losing a brother. I remember for many
months thereafter missing him and his many silly visits -- well, l mainly I had
to visit him as he was banned from our household! Months later he called me
from somebody’s bathroom in faraway San Francisco; he
desperately needed some cash of which I secretly sent him. He duly returned the
cash as promised. This was Redmond in his glory, he was never one to, ‘toe the
line.’ He would live the life the way he wanted and give the finger to any
establishment or government that tried to quell his ambition. It’s
almost as if Red lived in a different dimension to the rest of us; most of us seem
to be programmed to think about where our next meal was coming from or what our
next car or home would be like. Even how others might see us. Red’s sheer
delight and seemingly at times, ‘his reason for being’ was to make us laugh or even
shock us. One only must remember his antic of dressing up as a tree and
shocking the restaurant public with a startled outthrust hand - mid meal! To
say he was a free spirit would be a vast understatement. He was indeed the
extroverts, extrovert! -- He wrote the manual! I think we can console ourselves
somewhat, in that I do not think of Red as being lonely or depressed; a kind of
Robin Williams type figure. He liked to have a female partner/friend to live
with or even have close by. I can imagine that partner having to be quite
strong and put up with his free will and comings and goings. He was definitely not
one for any kind of commitment. Sadly, I believe this was caused by being
jilted by a female many years ago in Lancashire that he never seemed to get
over.
When we
performed together; I was mainly the fall guy and backing musician. He would be
proudly out-front strutting his stuff and generally doing what he was born to
do and that my friends, we all know, was making people laugh. This was his drug
of choice. Yes, indeed when he was on form; He had not only brought me to my
knees in belly aching laughter but whole audiences. For his many friends in San
Francisco, you have probably been lucky enough to witness some of his antics
and astounding pranks he was paid to perform from his company, ‘Hoopla
productions.’ I think his kind of humor was gifted in early childhood from his
dear mother. To quell boredom, she would place a dog turd in a fancy parceled gift
box and place it in front of her house. They would then watch through partially
closed curtains the many people including people in cars. When the unfortunate
culprit stole the box, they would roll on the floor in laughter. Such was life
in deepest, darkest Lancashire at the time.
Red, eluded to
me on more than one occasion about his unpleasant Roman Catholic upbringing, dealing
with cruel nuns. He had an Irish background. Neither one of us are religious in
any way. I can only hope that if we are wrong in our assumptions and that he is
at the pearly gates right now performing one of his wonderful monologues. The angels
will be on their backs flapping their wings in painful laughter. “OK already –
enough -- go on back your just too darned funny to be up here.” And all of this
was just one of Redmond’s miraculous staged pranks. Because -- I for one cannot
believe he is gone.
I heard late
last night that his body was lying in a hospital bed and that his brain was clinically
dead. They were keeping his body alive to be used for organ donor implants. Whoever
is fortunate enough to take his big heart -- you are one lucky person. I can
only hope that you will carry on his goal in life -- to make us all smile. To
look outside of ourselves in times of doubt and sadness like today and remember
that life is one big, ‘merry-go-around’ not to be taken too seriously. To the
one that is unfortunate enough to receive his liver – well, you had better
start living life to its fullest because you ain’t got long mate!
I will not
finish with RIP, Red because that would simply not be fitting. RIM, Rest In
Mirth might be more fitting my old friend because whenever I think of you it
will always be the good times, the many laughs we have shared. I will miss your
calls and the wonderful Camaraderie we have had over our lifetime.
Your loving
buddy, until we meet again
Kevin
